Echoes
by Himuro Miharu
Summary: Hyde knows what he did was wrong, how much it hurt Gackt. And yet, he can't remember doing it.


Title: Echoes  
>Author: Gacktaddict1330<br>Pairing: Gackt/Hyde, Kaz/Hyde  
>Genre: AngstDrama  
>Rating: T<br>Warnings: Drunken mistakes, guy lovin'  
>Summary: Hyde knows what he did was wrong, how much it hurt Gackt. And yet, he can't remember doing it.<br>Notes: Okay, random angsty one-shoty-drabbleh thing : I wrote it in 30 minutes, so please be gentle!  
>Disclaimer: Boys own themselves sadly T.T<p>

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><p>I sighed heavily, looking around the small apartment I can now call home. I've lost what was most important to me, all from a stupid mistake. Getting drunk with Kaz seemed like a good idea at the time, but waking up beside him certainly wasn't.<p>

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><p>Waking up I rushed around, not believing what I had done. Looking at my phone I felt tears flooding my eyes when I saw how many messages my lover had sent, each one more worried than the next. I rushed home, and before I even had a chance to place my hand on the knob the door swung open, and I was met with his worried face. The worry morphed into joy when he saw me, and swept me up into his arms, telling me how worried he had been all night. I couldn't return his embrace, I was too ashamed. He realized something was wrong and pushed me gently away, looking into my eyes, where tears were forming.<p>

"Haido what's the matter?"

I couldn't' bear the sound of his voice, so full of love and concern, when I didn't deserve any of it.

"I…I…there's something I need to tell you Gackt."

In that instant he knew something was wrong, I didn't call him Gaachan like I would normally. I now had his undivided attention, and I was beginning to lose the courage to tell him the truth. I knew he deserved it though.

Looking up at him I swallowed, scared of the words I had to say next.

"I…I didn't mean to! It was an accident! I don't even know why I did it! I'm so sorry!" It came out in a rush of words, and i don't know if he even understood half of what I was saying.

"What are you talking about Haido? What happened?"

He held me so close, and I could feel love and worry radiating from him. With a sob I released the four words I didn't want to say.

"I slept with Kaz!"

It was an instantaneous change. He went from warm and relaxed, to tense and cold.

"Wh-what?"

I looked up into his eyes, I shouldn't have3. What I saw there broke everything inside my soul.

His lense-less mahogany eyes were staring at me with so much hurt and disbelief, but behind that was love and trust. He didn't want to believe it. But it was true. And he deserved to know that.

"I'm so sorry Gaachan. I got drunk, which we do all the time, and then it's all a blank. I don't remember anything. All I remember is waking up, and I was beside him, completely naked." I was crying by this point, and so was he.

I couldn't take the look he was giving me, and I looked down.

It was completely silent in the room, save for my sniffles. All of the sudden I heard his voice, broken and hoarse.

"Why?"

"I don't know." I answered, completely honest.

I felt him pull away, and I didn't try to stop him, I knew I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve his love, or touch. I had broken his trust, and now all I deserved was his hate and contempt.  
>I walked passed him, into our room, to begin packing my bag. He didn't follow me, just continued to stand there and stare into space. Once some of my things were packed I rushed passed him, not sparing him a glance. I knew if I did, I would beg for his forgiveness, and I didn't deserve it. I threw a quiet 'I'm sorry' over my shoulder as I ran. He made no move to chase me.<p>

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><p>Looking around my apartment I bite back a sob, everything reminds me of him. I see echoes of my past everywhere I go. I can't walk passed the park near the building without remembering things, and I want to cry.<p>

I can't keep doing this. It's my own fault, he should be the one crying. Not me. I don't even know how he's doing. I'm trying to break off all contact with him, no matter what You tells me. I can't keep him with me, not now, when I've done this.

But I can't give him up either.

It's like a drug, you know you need it, but you fight it, and in the end it hurts. It hurts so much.

But I have to keep going. I keep telling myself this is my fault, and this is my punishment for hurting him so. I still love him. No matter what happens, I always will. I know that now. It's now one-sided, and I'll, deal with that.

Looking out the window I wish the tattooed wings on my flesh would suddenly sprout ebony feathers and whisk me away, to a place where I didn't hurt him.

It's a place that only exists in my mind now.


End file.
